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Post by bringbacklenwhite on Aug 19, 2023 18:02:24 GMT
WiFi was down last night so ended up having a right good chat with the Mrs.
I was ever so shocked to hear she's not working at Woolworths anymore!!
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Post by bringbacklenwhite on Aug 19, 2023 18:03:04 GMT
Ordered a Limo to take me and the wife out on her birthday.
When it arrived the driver got out and walked away. £350 and nothing to chauf feur it !!
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Post by gazz on Aug 19, 2023 19:18:26 GMT
This comment was on a Reddit thread about Evri (the courier formerly known as Hermes), but it's so good it deserves to be here: "Every email notification "Evri has your parcel" makes me feel like ive received a hostage note.."
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Post by gazz on Aug 19, 2023 19:19:38 GMT
WiFi was down last night so ended up having a right good chat with the Mrs. I was ever so shocked to hear she's not working at Woolworths anymore!! That's f***ing brilliant, Gaffer!
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Post by archie on Aug 22, 2023 8:15:10 GMT
Top 10 jokes at the Fringe:
I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out he was a cheetah - Lorna Rose Treen
The most British thing I've ever heard? A lady who said 'Well I'm sorry, but I don't apologise.' - Liz Guterbock
Last year I had a great joke about inflation. But it's hardly worth it now - Amos Gill
When women gossip we get called bitchy; but when men do it's called a podcast - Sikisa
I thought I'd start off with a joke about The Titanic - just to break the ice - Masai Graham
How do coeliac Germans greet each other? Gluten tag - Frank Lavender
My friend got locked in a coffee place overnight. Now he only ever goes into Starbucks, not the rivals. He's Costa-phobic - Roger Swift
I entered the 'How not to surrender' competition and I won hands down - Bennett Arron
Nationwide must have looked pretty silly when they opened their first branch - William Stone
My grandma describes herself as being in her "twilight years" which I love because they're great films - Daniel Foxx
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Bar Jokes
Aug 22, 2023 8:34:03 GMT
via mobile
Post by dudleyhatter on Aug 22, 2023 8:34:03 GMT
I think the nationwide one is my favourite!
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Post by Epworth Hatter on Aug 26, 2023 0:36:27 GMT
Mary had a little skirt, with splits right up the sides, And everytime she wore this skirt, the boys could see her thighs. She also had another skirt, with a split right up the front. But she hardly ever wore that one.
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Post by Epworth Hatter on Sept 2, 2023 17:58:15 GMT
Woman comes of the golf course and says to her friend, 'I got bitten by a horsefly.' Her friend says, 'Where?' She says, 'Between holes 1 and 2.' Her friend says, 'I've told you your stance is too wide.'
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Post by Epworth Hatter on Sept 14, 2023 18:45:39 GMT
A man walks into a chemist and asks if they have Viagra. ”Yes” said the chemist. “Can I get over the counter? “ he asks. The chemist replied, ”Yes but you’ll have to take two.”
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Post by bringbacklenwhite on Sept 16, 2023 8:08:06 GMT
A little chap and his wife are enjoying a cruise with a load of friends, but in shark infested waters.
The owner points to a nearby island and says "Anyone prepared to jump and swim to that island and I'll give them £1 million !!
The little chap stood on the end suddenly dives in and takes off like hell for the shore, twisting and turning, in and out of the monsters and finally makes it to safety.
"Brilliant", says the owner, "what on earth made you dive in and go for it like that".
"Bugger diving in" says the little chap, "I was f****** pushed".
Which just goes to show that behind every successful man is a very determined woman !!
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Post by bringbacklenwhite on Sept 23, 2023 18:46:35 GMT
A newlywed couple lay in bed on their wedding night;
The bride turns to her husband with a confession "I really should have told you sooner but I used to be a hooker"
The groom thinks for a moment then says "You should have told me, but actually I find that quite erotic, tell me more about it"
Relieved, she said 'Okay well my name was Brian and I played for Wigan Warriors"
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Post by bringbacklenwhite on Sept 23, 2023 18:56:31 GMT
Latest news bulletin - a man who was shot 200 times last week with a furniture staple gun is now fully recovered.
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Post by gazz on Sept 23, 2023 19:44:54 GMT
Some belters there, Gaffer!
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Post by Epworth Hatter on Oct 7, 2023 5:17:05 GMT
I been having hallucinations recently.
But it's OK, I'm starting to see a psychiatrist.
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Post by Epworth Hatter on Dec 21, 2023 23:15:47 GMT
On the first day of Christmas Evri sent to me, a note saying I was out when I was in
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