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Post by Epworth Hatter on Nov 14, 2021 9:44:03 GMT
I walked through the door of the fertility clinic. The Doctor said ‘I can already see what’s wrong’. I said ‘How?’, he said ‘That’s the exit’.
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Post by archie on Dec 3, 2021 18:21:26 GMT
At any time, day or night, the urge to sing 'The Lion Sleeps Tonight' is just a whim away, a whim away.
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Post by Epworth Hatter on Dec 4, 2021 8:39:29 GMT
What do rock and roll pandas eat?
A wop bop a loo bop a wop bamboo
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Post by Epworth Hatter on Jan 15, 2022 9:51:19 GMT
NEVER coach the Tribe Called Quest 5-a-side team. You have to stop every few seconds to answer their 'king questions
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Post by Epworth Hatter on Jan 18, 2022 23:18:01 GMT
Did you know that Bill Withers had a brother called 'Bear' who wrote telephone hold music?
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Post by hatter_in_macc on Jan 18, 2022 23:32:42 GMT
... following which, the operator would wish you a 'Lovely Day'!
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Post by sandbachhatter on Jan 24, 2022 17:03:28 GMT
Darth Vader: "Luke, I know what you are getting for Christmas." Luke: "How?" Darth Vader: "I have felt your presents." Luke: "Urgh. That's such a Dad joke." Darth Vader: "Yeah, funny you should mention that, actually...."
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Post by Epworth Hatter on Jun 26, 2022 20:40:16 GMT
I went to bed with a blind girl once
She said I had the biggest c*ck she'd ever felt.
I said "You're pulling my leg!"
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Post by gazz on Jun 27, 2022 19:50:18 GMT
It's been a while but what a quality gag to bump the thread, Eps!
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Post by bringbacklenwhite on Jun 28, 2022 13:12:52 GMT
How do you console a pedant ?
By telling him "They're, there, their".
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Post by archie on Aug 15, 2022 15:53:50 GMT
I was woken early this morning by some Man Utd fans playing football with a hedgehog outside my bedroom window. I was just about to ring the RSPCA when the hedgehog went 1-0 up.
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Post by bringbacklenwhite on Aug 15, 2022 19:02:44 GMT
At Bet Fred you can get 2-1 odds on both United and Giggs going down this season.
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Post by sandbachhatter on Aug 16, 2022 11:43:59 GMT
Apparently Butlins are going to be United's new shirt sponsors, because their season ends in October as well.
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Post by archie on Aug 22, 2022 10:01:00 GMT
Dictionary definition:
Truss (noun) a framework made in simplest form from two short planks
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Post by sandbachhatter on Aug 22, 2022 12:34:15 GMT
I went to the gym last week and asked the instructor if he could teach me how to do the splits.
He said: "That depends, how flexible are you?"
I said: "I can't do Tuesdays."
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