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Post by sandbachhatter on Jan 10, 2014 13:40:57 GMT
Whilst Sandbach has levels of inbreeding which would make Norfolk blush (I once had a man introduce me to his 'wife and sister' - with just one woman stood there), the sheer weirdness of some of them never fails to amuse me. This morning is a case in point.
I had to go to our local Royal Mail collection office as one of my window-licking clients had decided to post something to me without one of those 'new fangled stamp-thingies' and I had to go and pay not only the postage but the extortionate handling charge as well.
Now, I should explain that our little collection office has an assortment of art for sale on the walls. I'm not sure who the artist is but, it is fair to say, the Turner prize will forever elude them. When I arrived this morning, some new pieces had been put up, including a rather bizarre sketch of a horse sat next to a Christmas tree wrapped in tinsel (the horse, not the tree). Now, I could see the caption at the bottom which read "A Gift Horse" which neither amused me nor helped explain the artist's reasoning behind choosing this material to sketch. Evidently, the two blokes in front of me in the queue could not see this, which prompted one to turn to the other and ask "What d'ya think that's meant to be then?"
To which his mate, having studied the picture carefully and having visually had a light bulb moment, replied with:
"It's erm.... one of those.... oh you know..... oh, what are they called? Erm...... Come on, you know...."
At which point, and this is no word of a lie, he began galloping around the sorting office, neighing, before a further light bulb moment led to him suddenly shouting:
"HORSE! That's it! It's a horse!"
(Yes, we know it's a horse d*ckhead, he meant.... oh, never mind).
He then, thankfully, stopped galloping and started looking at the remaining pictures on the other wall which were all portraits of famous rock stars.
"That one looks a bit like Bowie" he exclaimed, pointing to a picture of David Bowie.
"That one not so much" (again, Bowie).
"... and, look, Queen! What was his name, you know, the guy who died?" (Marc Bolan from T-Rex).
At this point, I could hold my laugh-snort no longer and let out a bizarre sound which, unfortunately, resembled the horse noises he had been making only moments earlier.
You really have to visit this place if you've never been, if only to help me in considerably raising the average IQ.
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Post by gazz on Jan 10, 2014 14:38:04 GMT
Have you ever stopped to think that you might just be an MIB-style beacon for the unexplained?! I think you've been cursed at some point in your life. Maybe you should document these 'phenomena', and publish them as the 'Hex-files'! It seems to me that you are now forever doomed to a sixth sense-style 'I can see weird people' existence, I don't envy you, but these stories are brilliant!! Just don't point that neuralizer at me!
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Post by sandbachhatter on Jan 10, 2014 14:42:16 GMT
That's not a neutralizer....
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Post by bringbacklenwhite on Jan 10, 2014 16:23:39 GMT
And you thought Poynton was wierd !!!
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Post by gazz on Jan 10, 2014 16:47:43 GMT
You need to visit the town centre near where I live, it's like a scene from Shaun Of The Dead, and I'm not kidding!
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Post by another_ruined_saturday on Jan 10, 2014 20:28:02 GMT
You need to visit the town centre near where I live, it's like a scene from Shaun Of The Dead, and I'm not kidding! you would be quite within your rights to take a cricket bat to them then... is sandbach just ghosts and weirdos then?!? surely there's a BBC3 mystery drama to be had there...'lawyer of the damned' or something...
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Post by gazz on Jan 10, 2014 20:31:11 GMT
You need to visit the town centre near where I live, it's like a scene from Shaun Of The Dead, and I'm not kidding! you would be quite within your rights to take a cricket bat to them then... The funny thing is, I could, and nobody would notice! The Police would probably give me a hand too!
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Post by stuinedgeley on Jan 10, 2014 20:43:30 GMT
Sandbatch is home to many swamp creatures who disguise themselves as people lol Blaster Bates comes from Sandbatch - I rest my case lol - coz its heavy !
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Post by marketharborough on Jan 10, 2014 20:52:20 GMT
Think realistically we had better send for Dr Who to sort out this very peculiar race and township
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Post by another_ruined_saturday on Jan 10, 2014 21:37:32 GMT
do you think they're actually aliens impersonating village idiots MHH?
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Post by jacksdad on Jan 10, 2014 23:02:54 GMT
Try halifax on a Thursday night
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Post by sandbachhatter on Jan 11, 2014 10:24:15 GMT
No 2 of 243.
My firm are trying out opening Saturday mornings to see if we can't pick up some clients who ordinarily wouldn't be able to pop in with their legal conundrums due to working throughout the week.
So far, having done this since the start of November, we have amassed the grand total of..... no new clients. Well, the Poynton office had one enquiry, but I'm not sure if it went anywhere. Sandbach, however, not a sausage. Not even someone looking for directions, or (as has happened before) mistaking us for the accountants 2 doors down or, more bizarrely, the opticians 3 doors down (presumably why they needed the optician in the first place).
Until this morning.... or so I thought. As I sit here, ticking off the minutes until midday when I can dash to Edgeley, I just noticed a couple approach our porch/doorway and turn to each other for a quick kiss. I assumed, wrongly, that one was saying goodbye to the other, and we were about to have our first Saturday client (obviously not for a divorce....) but, alas, it transpires that the kiss went on for a bit longer than felt normal and then the groping started.
Yes, it turns out that this couple were just using our doorway for a quick fumble, despite the fact it became clear quite early on that I was sat there watching them.
Honestly, I had to start grinning maniacally and touching myself just to get them to jog on.
It's only a matter of time before I can post No. 3 in the series.
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Post by bringbacklenwhite on Jan 11, 2014 10:33:04 GMT
do you think they're actually aliens impersonating village idiots MHH? In Hayfield we didn't have a village idiot. We all took it in turns !
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Post by tothersandbachhatter on Jan 15, 2014 21:12:23 GMT
Not seen too many bad ones but there are some..there's a thief called lenny who still tried to burgle houses even after losing both legs
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Post by hatter_in_macc on Jan 15, 2014 23:10:02 GMT
So, that's what BBLW gets up to when he's legless... !
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