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Post by sandbachhatter on Dec 27, 2020 19:51:02 GMT
I phoned a radio station today, to enter their mystery prize competition.
"Congratulations!" the presenter said, "you're our first caller, and all you need to do to win our mystery prize is answer the following question correctly."
"That's fantastic!" I shouted.
"Do you feel confident?" the presenter asked, "It's a maths question."
"Well, I have a degree in maths from Cambridge university, and I've taught A-level maths for the past twenty years, so I should be ok!"
"Excellent! Ok, then. To win our grand prize of two tickets to a Manchester City match of your choice, followed by meeting all the players after the game, what is 2+2?"
"7".
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Post by Epworth Hatter on Jan 10, 2021 9:01:38 GMT
A man walks up to a food truck and reads the menu
Cheeseburgers £5 Chips £2 Handjobs £10
He walks up to the counter and there is a beautiful blonde working behind the counter.
"Are you the one that gives the handjobs?" he asks, handing her £10.
"Yes, I am", she replies seductively.
"Well, wash your hands, I want two cheesburgers."
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Post by Epworth Hatter on Jan 31, 2021 14:21:50 GMT
The more I hear about inverse proportion, the less I like it.
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Post by sandbachhatter on Feb 9, 2021 15:42:18 GMT
Two women are on a night out together and get very drunk. On the walk home, they are both desperate for the loo, but there is nowhere nearby to relieve themselves, so they decide to pop into a nearby graveyard to do their business.
Unfortunately, neither has anything to wipe herself with, so one lady uses her knickers, while the other grabs a wreath from a nearby grave, then they carry on home.
The next day, one of the husbands phones the other and says: "That's it. No more girls nights out. My missus came home last night without any knickers on!"
The other husband says "That's nothing! Mine had a card wedged in her crack which read 'From all of us at the fire station, we will never forget you'!"
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Post by bringbacklenwhite on Feb 12, 2021 11:25:21 GMT
This week we held an online chat forum for the Walking Football Club.
My mate had a Disney Dumbo filter on his screen.
Yet, no one mentioned the elephant in the Zoom.
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Post by gazz on Feb 22, 2021 14:07:49 GMT
If funny images don't really belong on this thread, can one of my fellow admins please move this to the appropriate thread. Cheers!
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Post by bringbacklenwhite on Feb 22, 2021 19:15:21 GMT
Works for me Gaz.
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Post by dudleyhatter on Feb 23, 2021 5:35:29 GMT
These days in a bar you are as likely to show your friends a joke on a phone as tell it to them. It works for me Gazz
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Post by Epworth Hatter on Feb 24, 2021 8:21:54 GMT
A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a blood Bank.
The rabbit says, I think I might be a type o.
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Post by gazz on Feb 24, 2021 9:48:32 GMT
A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a blood Bank. The rabbit says, I think I might be a type o. That's a belter, Eps!
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Post by sandbachhatter on Feb 24, 2021 13:43:00 GMT
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.
“Mummy, where do babies come from?”
The mother thinks for a few seconds, then says, “Well dear, a Mummy and a Daddy fall in love and get married. Then, one night, they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.”
The daughter looks puzzled, so the mother continues: “That means the Daddy puts his penis in the Mummy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.”
The child then seems to understand, but still looks perplexed. “Oh, I see. But, the other night, when I came into your room, you had Daddy’s penis in your mouth instead, so what do you get when you do that?”
“Jewellery."
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Post by bringbacklenwhite on Feb 24, 2021 13:57:01 GMT
Reminds me of:-
Mummy, how do Lions make love ?
I don't know darling, all your Dad's friends are Rotarians.
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Post by Epworth Hatter on Feb 27, 2021 8:21:40 GMT
In the ‘70s Sister Sledge used to drive around in British cars. Their favourites were the Austin Music and Cortina Trap.
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Post by hatter_in_macc on Feb 27, 2021 11:10:39 GMT
Typical of them to go for Family cars...🙂
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Bar Jokes
Feb 27, 2021 16:33:31 GMT
via mobile
Post by Epworth Hatter on Feb 27, 2021 16:33:31 GMT
and to get them going, they had to Jump start them...
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