Post by gazz on Dec 3, 2013 11:28:57 GMT
Tournaments
bringbacklenwhite
Don't you just love taking children to youth tournaments.
Usually organised by the enthusiastic volunteer who either was last to sit down or wasn't even in the room when someone said "who's turn is it to sort out this year's fund raising event ?".
The Tournament invariably takes place on the wetest day/weekend of the year on a yawning public open space with no shelter (unless you bring your own) with the local "batty pensioners complete with shopping trolley" ambulating across the pitch at crucial times.
You invariably spend the first day and a half playing only 6-8 matches (if lucky) at 2 hour intervals with each game lasting a maximum of 10 minutes. Then you have to fit in 4 games in the last hour in order to catch up and play the semi-finals and final before the sun descends over the horizon. Parents and children continually lambast YOU because "they've given up their weekend to hang around a godforsaken neck of the parish" - of course, you haven't have you ?
Then - they didn't order enough medals for all the teams and you have to console the poor little kid who played 5 minutes in total all weekend and has to "wait until later in the week" to get his OR you take the medal off your own lad/lass to make sure no one else goes home upset.
Everyone then clears off leaving you to collect balls, training tops, left boots and trainers, watches, drink bottles and litter with bearly a thank you between them. Gratitude, eh ?
Ring any bells.
Most memorable Tournament was a few year's ago at the Garstang Children's Festival where local schools are invited to compete in a 7 a side under 11's competition. Prelims. are played earlier in the week with 4 teams left to play on Gala Day. The semi-Finals were at 2pm (one after the other) the finalists return for a 6.30pm final. To cut a long story short, my team were the only "outsiders" playing in the semis with the 3 very local schools. After being a goal down we went on to win the semi-final 3-1. The final was delayed by the procession around town in the rain, the tug-of-war and the lengthy children's races.
Cue the final at 7.45pm It seemed like the whole of the town had congregated around the village green (approx 800 spectators) most of whom had been drinking since 11 that morning. Our teams had about 20 mums, dads and family members as supporters tucked in the corner behind the roped off pitch.
Inevitably we went 1-0 down inside 2 minutes and the home crowd were baying for blood. I was being showered by beer (at least I hope it was beer) on the touchline and I just wanted the game finished so we could sneek off home. But, against the run of play my little heroes equalized in the second half to take it to extra time. The crowd were turned quite ugly by now. Not a pretty place to be.
Time for a team talk. It was then the "nutter" appeared on the pitch very well oiled. He attempted to give my uplifting speech for me. I thanked him and managed to see him on his way with the kids wetting themselves laughing. No further goals led to the inevitable shoot out in the gloom and the pitch was reduced to a penalty area with the crowd allowed that close. Step up my goalie who made 3 spectacular saves to lift the trophy. The final throes played out in front the proverbial 13 men and a dog as the throng of spectators gradually dwindled away.
I say, lift the trophy, but that was impossible as the shield is 3 feet high and encased in a heavy glass cabinet. The "nutter" then re-appeared. "Here's £20 to buy them a drink, they were brilliant" he slurred. I told him I couldn't possibly take his cash off him.
"Don't worry"he said, "That's nothing to what I've jusy won on that match result"
Exit one very happy team with all lives in place (just) with a very large trophy and a round of pepsi-max paid for by illegal betting !!
TOP TEN TUNES: Macc's Tracks for a Football Mixtape
hatter in macc
1. Theme from Sparta FC - The Fall
You may know this one from the time it was played as background music on Final Score. The Beeb even, on one unsuspecting Saturday, let the Godlike Mark E Smith accompany his own vocals by reading out the results...which was surreal to say the least-ah.
2. Why Won't Rangers Sign a Catholic - Pope Paul & the Romans
PP & the Rs were aka small-time punks, the B*ll*ck Brothers. Brought out a good few years before Mo Johnston's move from the green part of Glasgow rendered the question in the title redundant, but it remains a very, very funny recording.
3. Sharp as a Needle - Barmy Army
Samples of crowd chants, commentaries and interviews combine to create the greatest mash-up celebration of football passions.
4. The Official Colourbox World Cup Theme - Colourbox
From 1986 - and, of course, it wasn't official at all...although this indie offering did p*ss all over We've Got the Whole World at Our Feet.
5. Tornados Vs Dynamos - Real Sounds of Africa
The Zimbabwean-based Real Sounds were, appropriately, an eleven-piece line-up. On hearing the joyous afro-funk/beat commentary set to World Music, you won't want either side to lose. Don't worry: it ends three-all.
6. Love on the Terraces - Serious Drinking
Mrs Sandy will like this one: it's about standing at Carrow Road, watching Naaaaaaridge! SD songs were almost always about football and...erm, serious drinking. The title of their eventual compilation-album? Stranger Than Tannadice. Genius.
7. Goldstone Rap - Brighton & Hove Albion's 1983 FA Cup Final Squad
Back in the days when teams reaching the Cup Final used to celebrate in advance of the match by knocking out a record of cringeworthy tunelessness, the 'Seagulls' didn't depart from the script with their risible Boys in the Old Brighton Blue. The B-side, though, very briefly - not to mention bizarrely - placed them at the forefront of the UK hip-hop scene. I swear I'm not making it up...
8. Back Home - England's 1970 World Cup Squad
9. World in Motion - EnglandNewOrder
Oh, alright then - let's go mainstream. Both of these were decent anthems, reached Number One, and corresponded with creditable showings by England in the respective Finals. Can't really argue with any of that. And, in John Barnes, World... could boast a footballer who was actually comfortable in front of a mic...which is more than could ever be said for Hoddle and Waddle.
10. We're Too Sexy for the Third - County Fans on the Pop Side, 1991/92
Available only on bootleg...possibly. Love it or loathe it, this chant was the product of a few quick-thinking wits, allied to some scintillating fare on the pitch at EP. The Club even produced car-stickers bearing the chant's title, and they sold out in a day. Heady times...sigh.
bringbacklenwhite
Don't you just love taking children to youth tournaments.
Usually organised by the enthusiastic volunteer who either was last to sit down or wasn't even in the room when someone said "who's turn is it to sort out this year's fund raising event ?".
The Tournament invariably takes place on the wetest day/weekend of the year on a yawning public open space with no shelter (unless you bring your own) with the local "batty pensioners complete with shopping trolley" ambulating across the pitch at crucial times.
You invariably spend the first day and a half playing only 6-8 matches (if lucky) at 2 hour intervals with each game lasting a maximum of 10 minutes. Then you have to fit in 4 games in the last hour in order to catch up and play the semi-finals and final before the sun descends over the horizon. Parents and children continually lambast YOU because "they've given up their weekend to hang around a godforsaken neck of the parish" - of course, you haven't have you ?
Then - they didn't order enough medals for all the teams and you have to console the poor little kid who played 5 minutes in total all weekend and has to "wait until later in the week" to get his OR you take the medal off your own lad/lass to make sure no one else goes home upset.
Everyone then clears off leaving you to collect balls, training tops, left boots and trainers, watches, drink bottles and litter with bearly a thank you between them. Gratitude, eh ?
Ring any bells.
Most memorable Tournament was a few year's ago at the Garstang Children's Festival where local schools are invited to compete in a 7 a side under 11's competition. Prelims. are played earlier in the week with 4 teams left to play on Gala Day. The semi-Finals were at 2pm (one after the other) the finalists return for a 6.30pm final. To cut a long story short, my team were the only "outsiders" playing in the semis with the 3 very local schools. After being a goal down we went on to win the semi-final 3-1. The final was delayed by the procession around town in the rain, the tug-of-war and the lengthy children's races.
Cue the final at 7.45pm It seemed like the whole of the town had congregated around the village green (approx 800 spectators) most of whom had been drinking since 11 that morning. Our teams had about 20 mums, dads and family members as supporters tucked in the corner behind the roped off pitch.
Inevitably we went 1-0 down inside 2 minutes and the home crowd were baying for blood. I was being showered by beer (at least I hope it was beer) on the touchline and I just wanted the game finished so we could sneek off home. But, against the run of play my little heroes equalized in the second half to take it to extra time. The crowd were turned quite ugly by now. Not a pretty place to be.
Time for a team talk. It was then the "nutter" appeared on the pitch very well oiled. He attempted to give my uplifting speech for me. I thanked him and managed to see him on his way with the kids wetting themselves laughing. No further goals led to the inevitable shoot out in the gloom and the pitch was reduced to a penalty area with the crowd allowed that close. Step up my goalie who made 3 spectacular saves to lift the trophy. The final throes played out in front the proverbial 13 men and a dog as the throng of spectators gradually dwindled away.
I say, lift the trophy, but that was impossible as the shield is 3 feet high and encased in a heavy glass cabinet. The "nutter" then re-appeared. "Here's £20 to buy them a drink, they were brilliant" he slurred. I told him I couldn't possibly take his cash off him.
"Don't worry"he said, "That's nothing to what I've jusy won on that match result"
Exit one very happy team with all lives in place (just) with a very large trophy and a round of pepsi-max paid for by illegal betting !!
TOP TEN TUNES: Macc's Tracks for a Football Mixtape
hatter in macc
1. Theme from Sparta FC - The Fall
You may know this one from the time it was played as background music on Final Score. The Beeb even, on one unsuspecting Saturday, let the Godlike Mark E Smith accompany his own vocals by reading out the results...which was surreal to say the least-ah.
2. Why Won't Rangers Sign a Catholic - Pope Paul & the Romans
PP & the Rs were aka small-time punks, the B*ll*ck Brothers. Brought out a good few years before Mo Johnston's move from the green part of Glasgow rendered the question in the title redundant, but it remains a very, very funny recording.
3. Sharp as a Needle - Barmy Army
Samples of crowd chants, commentaries and interviews combine to create the greatest mash-up celebration of football passions.
4. The Official Colourbox World Cup Theme - Colourbox
From 1986 - and, of course, it wasn't official at all...although this indie offering did p*ss all over We've Got the Whole World at Our Feet.
5. Tornados Vs Dynamos - Real Sounds of Africa
The Zimbabwean-based Real Sounds were, appropriately, an eleven-piece line-up. On hearing the joyous afro-funk/beat commentary set to World Music, you won't want either side to lose. Don't worry: it ends three-all.
6. Love on the Terraces - Serious Drinking
Mrs Sandy will like this one: it's about standing at Carrow Road, watching Naaaaaaridge! SD songs were almost always about football and...erm, serious drinking. The title of their eventual compilation-album? Stranger Than Tannadice. Genius.
7. Goldstone Rap - Brighton & Hove Albion's 1983 FA Cup Final Squad
Back in the days when teams reaching the Cup Final used to celebrate in advance of the match by knocking out a record of cringeworthy tunelessness, the 'Seagulls' didn't depart from the script with their risible Boys in the Old Brighton Blue. The B-side, though, very briefly - not to mention bizarrely - placed them at the forefront of the UK hip-hop scene. I swear I'm not making it up...
8. Back Home - England's 1970 World Cup Squad
9. World in Motion - EnglandNewOrder
Oh, alright then - let's go mainstream. Both of these were decent anthems, reached Number One, and corresponded with creditable showings by England in the respective Finals. Can't really argue with any of that. And, in John Barnes, World... could boast a footballer who was actually comfortable in front of a mic...which is more than could ever be said for Hoddle and Waddle.
10. We're Too Sexy for the Third - County Fans on the Pop Side, 1991/92
Available only on bootleg...possibly. Love it or loathe it, this chant was the product of a few quick-thinking wits, allied to some scintillating fare on the pitch at EP. The Club even produced car-stickers bearing the chant's title, and they sold out in a day. Heady times...sigh.