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Post by sandbachhatter on Nov 5, 2019 11:53:58 GMT
Little Jonny is playing with his train set, when his mum overhears him say:
"Welcome to Stockport. If you're joining us at this point, hurry the f*** up, we're late. If you're getting off, mind the f***ing gap!"
Outraged, she tells him off for such appalling behaviour, and sends him to his room where he is to remain until he is ready to apologise and play nicely.
Two hours later, Jonny comes back downstairs to say sorry, and his mum allows him to carry on playing.
Within a few minutes, she hears him say:
"Welcome to Macclesfield. If you're joining us at this point, welcome aboard, and we hope you enjoy your trip. If you're leaving us at this point, have a safe rest of your journey, and a wonderful day. Oh, and if you aren't happy with the two hour delay to this service, blame the fat bitch in the kitchen."
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Post by sandbachhatter on Nov 12, 2019 21:02:40 GMT
Sandy Jnr told me tonight he quite likes Beyonce.
I said, "Well, son, whatever floats your boat."
To which, he replied, "No, Dad, that's buoyancy."
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Post by Epworth Hatter on Nov 15, 2019 19:27:56 GMT
I became increasingly worried about my obsession with lyrics written by Prince so I went to the doctor. Guess what he told me? Guess what he told me?
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Post by archie on Nov 22, 2019 19:33:19 GMT
If a rabbit goes without its tea does it become a rabbi?
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Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2019 9:19:07 GMT
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home all the signs were there.
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Post by Epworth Hatter on Dec 6, 2019 11:20:11 GMT
[FIRST DATE] "So how long did you work in the diplomatic service?" "2 days. If it's any of your f***ing business"
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2019 6:32:50 GMT
Attachments:
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Post by countyfan on Dec 10, 2019 9:50:14 GMT
Why has Santa been banned from sooty chimneys?
Carbon footprints.
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Post by countyfan on Dec 10, 2019 9:50:48 GMT
Why is Greta Thunberg boycotting parsnips and carrots at Christmas?
Because she’s a swede dish campaigner.
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Post by bringbacklenwhite on Dec 10, 2019 13:39:52 GMT
Consider it done, Downey.
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Post by countyfan on Dec 10, 2019 14:19:02 GMT
Not like me to be festive but here's a few more....
I've bought my wife a fridge for Christmas, I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
You can tell Santa is a man, because no woman would ever wear the same outfit every year.
Are people who are scared of Father Christmas Claustrophobic?
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Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2019 21:28:15 GMT
Consider it done, Downey. Believe it when I see it.
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Post by bringbacklenwhite on Dec 11, 2019 10:02:33 GMT
Not getting involved in a slanging match, Downey.
Just have to respect a difference of opinions and move on.
Merry Christmas, and all that, to you and yours.
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Post by countyfan on Dec 11, 2019 15:47:20 GMT
John - "My wife ran off yesterday with my best mate Chris"
Dave - "Since when has Chris been your best mate"?
John - "Since yesterday"!
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Post by Epworth Hatter on Dec 11, 2019 16:28:46 GMT
The Innuendo Society has reported a huge rise in its members
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