Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2019 14:04:28 GMT
How do you cancel an appointment at the sperm bank?
Just phone up and tell them you can't come!
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Post by countyfan on Aug 14, 2019 10:12:17 GMT
Alan - "Alright mate, I had a game of quiet tennis yesterday" Dave - "Quiet tennis? What's that?" Alan - "It's like normal tennis but without the racket"!!
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Post by archie on Aug 19, 2019 13:30:20 GMT
Top jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe:
"Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy" - Richard Stott
"What's driving Brexit? From here it looks like it's probably the Duke of Edinburgh" - Milton Jones
"A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. - That's 20 cows'" - Jake Lambert
"A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it" - Ross Smith
"Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It's the reason I get up in the morning" - Ross Smith
"I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I'm really struggling to get out of it" - Adele Cliff
"After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging - Richard Pulsford
"To be or not to be a horse rider, that is Equestrian" - Mark Simmons
"I've got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts" - Ivo Graham
"I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets" - Olaf Falafel
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Post by another_ruined_saturday on Aug 19, 2019 18:54:07 GMT
"After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging - Richard Pulsford "To be or not to be a horse rider, that is Equestrian" - Mark Simmons "I've got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts" - Ivo Graham "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets" - Olaf Falafel some crackers, but these last four are particularly clever. cheers for posting archie
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Post by Epworth Hatter on Sept 7, 2019 5:41:54 GMT
More from one of the funniest comedians at the moment, Olaf Falafel...
Fred: Hey Shaggy have you seen Velma?
Shaggy: It wasn't me!
Fred: What??
Shaggy: It wasn't me!
Fred: Guys, I think we picked up the wrong Shaggy again
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Post by Epworth Hatter on Sept 7, 2019 5:48:55 GMT
And more...
Actors who can cure my lisp? I’m pretty sure Anne Hathaway, but I’m going to ask Colin Firth.
I've just suffered a hip injury - I fell off my unicycle whilst adjusting the turn ups on my skinny jeans.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Sept 9, 2019 23:53:41 GMT
I've installed an electric fence around my property but my neighbour is dead against it.
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Post by sandbachhatter on Sept 13, 2019 12:45:00 GMT
Why shouldn't you wear Russian Y-fronts?
Because Chernobyl fallout.
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Post by bringbacklenwhite on Sept 13, 2019 14:37:31 GMT
While in France I bumped into a group of locals who all had the same forename.
They kept buying me drinks all night and I gave in and played along with them.
I was subject to Pierre Group pressure.
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Post by countyfan on Sept 13, 2019 14:44:05 GMT
I bought some trainers off my drug dealer the other day.
I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all night!!
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Post by countyfan on Sept 13, 2019 15:10:28 GMT
In arguments, Why does Spiderman always have good "come-backs"
Because with great power, comes great response-ability!
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Bar Jokes
Sept 13, 2019 15:29:59 GMT
via mobile
Post by gazz on Sept 13, 2019 15:29:59 GMT
Some real belters here!
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Post by Epworth Hatter on Sept 14, 2019 7:23:48 GMT
"First place the heel of one hand in the centre of the chest, Master Luke" - CPR3PO
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Post by Epworth Hatter on Sept 14, 2019 7:24:30 GMT
As a tribute to Fanny Craddock the Hairy Bikers are planning an episode dressed as her.
No idea what they'll call it, though.
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Post by bringbacklenwhite on Sept 14, 2019 8:23:15 GMT
I always thought that the Hairy Bikers could do a walking trip of gastro pubs and call it The Beery Hikers.
Barely Merry could make a guest appearance.
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