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Post by bringbacklenwhite on Dec 21, 2013 17:00:15 GMT
Seem to have lost the original Bar Joke Thread so I'll start a new one..........
I went for a job at the Royal Mail sorting office yesterday. After the interview I was given a tour of the depot.
I asked the guy taking the tour "What's that machine?"
"That's the Acme 3000 Auto Sorter System. It can sort 150,000 letters an hour and it's 99.5% accurate. It's controlled by 12 supercomputers, each of which is 50000 times more powerful than an average desktop PC. It has over 15,000 state-of-the-art optical location identification sensors, contains enough circuit boards to entirely cover the pitch at the new Wembley stadium and it has 200 miles of fibre-optic cable. It cost over £100 million to develop," he boasted proudly.
"What happens to the letters after it's finished sorting them?" I asked.
"We give them to a bloke on a push bike."
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Post by gazz on Dec 21, 2013 17:10:01 GMT
does a double take................ I just asked for one of these on another thread, boy is my face red! lolCheers, Lennie!
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Post by gazz on Dec 21, 2013 17:21:41 GMT
Bloke comes home and runs into the living room out of breath and says to his wife: "Come on, pack some suitcases quick"
His wife says: "Why, what's going on?"
Husband says: "I've won the lottery, now come on and get some cases packed"
Wife said: "Bloody hell, that's brilliant. What shall I pack, where are we going?"
Husband: "I don't care, just pack 'em............. and F**K OFF!"
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Post by bringbacklenwhite on Dec 22, 2013 13:53:06 GMT
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans,
... Walk into a fine restaurant.
"I'm sorry," says the maître d', after scrutinizing the group.
"You can't come in here without a Thai".
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Post by gazz on Dec 22, 2013 14:04:55 GMT
LMAO, brilliant!
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Post by bringbacklenwhite on Dec 22, 2013 15:11:18 GMT
Thank goodness for cut and paste !!
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Post by siriusiron on Dec 24, 2013 16:29:43 GMT
Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
Because they were two deer!
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Post by sirroger on Jan 13, 2014 13:40:55 GMT
The wife says if she finds me on this porn site again, she will bang my head against the keyboarjjjhgcbnnnbvcnnbnnbbbvcxdrtyyugfnmhfx
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Post by gazz on Jan 13, 2014 13:42:26 GMT
Lol, Rog!
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Post by gazz on Jan 13, 2014 13:45:58 GMT
When your keyboard starts to look like this........ That's when it's time to unplug!
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Post by Admin on Jan 13, 2014 13:49:55 GMT
Brilliant Len!!
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Post by gazz on Jan 13, 2014 13:51:59 GMT
Yeah, fantastic, Lennie....... ...... what did he do again, Fudgie?
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Post by Admin on Jan 13, 2014 14:12:06 GMT
My mistake! Rog sorry!!
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Post by sandbachhatter on Jan 13, 2014 14:16:53 GMT
Poor Rog....
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Post by sandbachhatter on Jan 13, 2014 14:17:41 GMT
Is anyone else perturbed by Gazza's banana dance (and no, that's not a metaphor)?
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