Post by gazz on Dec 4, 2013 20:50:47 GMT
"Jesse" Michael James
bringbacklenwhite
A premature balding, slightly overweight PE/Games teacher at New Mills Grammar School in the 1960/70s era. Think Brian Glover in "Kes" but with a Prestbury accent rather than South Yarkshur.
His first love was cricket and he enjoyed nothing more than tuning up his spin bowling technique in the summer afternoon against anyone who fancied a 2 hour net session. Being one who totally adverse to running around a track (pointless), or throwing odd shaped impliments (dangerous) or jumping into a pit and getting sand up the crutch, my batting efforts came on in leaps and bounds during this phase of my teenage years. He later went on to help organise a private cricket team with some Prestbury based millionaire with Ian Botham on board.
He delighted in sending us off on cross-country routes that involved negotiating the main road twice, passing through 3 farm yards (complete with mad dogs and bulls), entering the darkest wood imaginable and then returning via a quarry top pathway (no fencing and a 60 foot drop) whilst he went and had a coffee in the staffroom. His parting comment was "I have my spies out watching you all the way round". For you younger readers, there was no such thing as "Health and Safety" in the swinging sixties.
My favourite memory was when he decided to join in with our Under 15's football match as he still fancied himself as a bit of a winger. Sadly, he had to limp off after 10 minutes when "Herman" Schofield (nicknamed after his resemblance to the character in the Munsters - both in looks and physique) totalled him over the touchline during one of his silky runs.
All round good guy who later went on to become Headteacher of the School. He was my inspiration for going into PE teacher training as I thought that if he could get away with it, so could I.
The Javelin Throw
Sir Roger
I suppose there is a point to it.
Jackson's Lane
bigfudge
The site of my first major sports injury, when I was 13 years old and playing for Priestnall's football team, when played against Hazel Grove High on Jackson's Lane playing fields and we were winning 2-0 at this point, I had a bit of a stinker that game though because I like to play with the ball but because Hazel Grove were top of the league, we were told to defend and I wasn't allowed to go too far forward too often and was told to stay very defensive, I got the ball one time and foolishly I tried to be a bit tricky and this one big black centre forward they had playing for them, who was never in Year 8 whatever he might try and tell us, clattered into me leaving me in a heap on the ground, as it happens, I didn't get up again and remember being in an ambulance and being given some air!!
It turns out I split my shinbone, but not from the collision, from the way I went over, needless to say, I didn't try any of this trickery again!!
Joke - Stockport County
bringbacklenwhite
Chap walks up to the entrance gate with his mate. He slaps £20 on the counter and says " Two please".
To which the attendant replies "Certainly sir, forwards or defenders and can I keep the change ?"
I am sure you can all do better than that.
bat21
very old one from my skool days here.
bloke rings up county's ticket office and say's "what times kick off tonight?" guy at ticket office say's " what time can you get here?".
told you it was old,the bitters and rags used to love that one though.
bringbacklenwhite
When County had to become an all seater stadium they went to IKEA and ordered a 3 piece suite !!
All the old ones.
bristolexile
Where to start with the jokes!!!!!!!
'Stockport County - the only ground in the country where they announce the crowd changes to the team' !!
County will be in Europe next year............ if there's a war.
To cheer up his team Jim thought some music in the changing room would be a good idea so went to Curry's and asked for ' a CD player for my team'. 'Not worth it' replied the shop manager.
I'm sure there are many many more!!!!!
Sir Roger
There's a rumour going about that if you buy a season ticket at County, then you get a free space suit. Apparently it's due to the lack of atmosphere.......
The 7 dwarfs are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the dark distance a voice screams out "County are good enough to remain unbeaten for the rest of the season". Snow White says "Thank God, at least Dopey's still alive"
bringbacklenwhite
After the Grimsby match, goalkeeper Mark Halstead walked out of the ground and threw himself in front of a bus.
The damn thing went under him !!
So he put his head in his hands ................. and dropped it !
sandbachhatter
A journalist is walking through a park in Poynton when he sees a child getting attacked by a pitbull. Quick as a flash, a passer by in a football shirt jumps to the child's rescue, wrestles the dog to the ground and, with it's razor sharp teeth snapping at his face, he gets the dog's head, twists and breaks it's neck. The rabid animal falls limply to the floor.
The journalist is amazed and runs over, his mind already focussing on the front page for this amazing local scoop.
"Mate, that was AMAZING. You saved that kid's life! I don't know much about football but I can see the headline now...
"BRAVE STOCKPORT FAN SAVES CHILD FROM FEROCIOUS ANIMAL"
"Err...." pipes up the hero "I'm not a Stockport fan"
"Oh, ok" says the hack, "I just assumed because we're in Poynton you were. Sorry. How about:
"HEROIC MACCLESFIELD TOWN FAN WRESTLES VICIOUS DOG FROM HELPLESS CHILD!"
"Sorry mate, I'm not a Macc fan either."
"Who do you support then?"
"Manchester City."
And sure enough, the next day, the story made the front page:
"MANC BAS*ARD KILLS FAMILY PET."
Jossy's Giants
downunderhatter
Bryan Robson's "acting."
Does that count?
Jones - Vinnie
bringbacklenwhite
Yet another footballer who could rightly claim the nickname "pitball" as his own.
Famed for his much publicized squeeze tackle on Gascoigne's tackle and a member of the Wimbledon crazy gang.
Later to appear in many films as a hard hitman character and lately seen in the new heart resucitation advert.
Best story is of the booking he received after 15 seconds of a premier league match. He quizzed the referee "What was that for ?". "Late tackle, Vincent me boy" replied the man in black. "Late f**king tackle, I got there as soon as I could !".
Jones - Dave
archie
As good a manager as County have had. If you've read his book 'On The Edge' you'll understand why. The chapter about Mike Flynn is particularly illuminating. Best of luck to him at Sheffield Thursday. Let's hope he gets regular excursions to Monaco.
Dave Jones & John Keeley
hatter in macc
Rather belatedly, I have a Dave Jones-related anecdote, which, for good measure, also involves one John Keeley.
The tale takes us back to the end of the first half of the '90s, when Danny was still our King and DJ his Assistant Manager, and to a sparsely-populated away-terrace at Leyton Orient where, pre-match, Hatter in Macc stood with two High Lane Hatter mates, enjoying their cups of tea while stood behind a crash barrier behind a goal and watching the players warm up.
Jonesey's job in those days involved putting the County 'keeper - who, on that occasion, was John Keeley - through his paces. And even with his own playing days well behind him, he could still whack a ball as hard as anybody...albeit sometimes sacrificing a little accuracy in the process. Before long, Jonesey skied one over the bar, and one of our number seized on the chance of some banter:
High Lane Hatter 1: "Hey, Jonesey - glad you're not taking our penalties today!"
Jonesey, ignoring this, lines up another ball, which again is shot high and wide - but this time straight at our crash barrier on which the teas are stood. One of them - interestingly belonging to High Lane Hatter 1 - is duly sent flying by the ball, leaving the three of us momentarily stunned and HL1 slightly soaked. Jonesey meanwhile, with what I swear to this day was a hint of a smirk, just turned away and got ready to do some more shooting...although County's then Number One showed rather more compassion:
Keeley: "Are you alright, mate?"
High Lane Hatter 2: "Don't worry about him, John."
Macc: "Yeh, he's just feeling a tad brew-sed and tea-ed off!
Keeley (completely ignoring HIM's early attempt at pun-meistery): "No, are you SURE you're alright, mate? I mean, hot drinks can scald and all that..."
And so it came to be that caring Keeley realised his destiny would lie in First Aiding and supportive Counselling after hanging up his boots. And what of his shooting partner? Well, who knows, he might just have shown that little bit of ruthlessness that could see him turn out to be a half-decent Manager one day in the not too distant future...
July 31st 2009
gazza007
The day we lost the great Sir Bobby Robson. An extremely humble man, he never forgot his roots, and was proud of them to boot. If you've read his book 'Farewell, but not goodbye' and weren't touched by it, then you're not human. If I remember correctly he had a book signing in Stockport, that would have been an opportunity to shake the hand of the great man, sadly I didn't find out about it until after the event.
He battled Cancer on more than one occasion, and did so with the utmost dignity. I remember Gazza playing in his charity match just before he died. Sir Bobby had to leave early due to his poor health, and he passed away shortly afterwards. Gascoigne was later told in an interview that when he went home from the match, in spite of his rapidly failing health the great man had asked his son "how did Gascoigne play?". He knew he didn't have long left, yet there he was still concerned about his fellow geordie, Gazza was visibly upset upon hearing this.
The best tribute I heard was from Howard Wilkinson:
"My best memories of Bobby are the funny ones, all the more funny because he remained blissfully unaware, nor offended that his faux pas became a source of such fun. 'At one England Under-21 gathering, I selected Shola Ameobi who was a young striker at Newcastle under him. Bobby had also bought at great expense Carl Cort, a striker from Wimbledon. 'Shola had about six Christian names, most of them, to me, unpronounceable and in an attempt to put him at his ease on his debut performance, I called the lad over and asked him what Bobby called him when he was at the club. 'With absolutely no sense of resentment, rather more with a sense of love and understanding, Shola said, "Carl Cort, mostly". 'At a time when "great" and "world class" are sometimes too freely ascribed, the descriptions underscore Sir Bobby Robson. He was truly a great and world class person."
Being another of my heroes in football, I am not ashamed to admit that I filled up when I heard about his passing in work, and remember saying something like "oh f*cking hell, no?!", I am sure I wasn't alone.
bringbacklenwhite
A premature balding, slightly overweight PE/Games teacher at New Mills Grammar School in the 1960/70s era. Think Brian Glover in "Kes" but with a Prestbury accent rather than South Yarkshur.
His first love was cricket and he enjoyed nothing more than tuning up his spin bowling technique in the summer afternoon against anyone who fancied a 2 hour net session. Being one who totally adverse to running around a track (pointless), or throwing odd shaped impliments (dangerous) or jumping into a pit and getting sand up the crutch, my batting efforts came on in leaps and bounds during this phase of my teenage years. He later went on to help organise a private cricket team with some Prestbury based millionaire with Ian Botham on board.
He delighted in sending us off on cross-country routes that involved negotiating the main road twice, passing through 3 farm yards (complete with mad dogs and bulls), entering the darkest wood imaginable and then returning via a quarry top pathway (no fencing and a 60 foot drop) whilst he went and had a coffee in the staffroom. His parting comment was "I have my spies out watching you all the way round". For you younger readers, there was no such thing as "Health and Safety" in the swinging sixties.
My favourite memory was when he decided to join in with our Under 15's football match as he still fancied himself as a bit of a winger. Sadly, he had to limp off after 10 minutes when "Herman" Schofield (nicknamed after his resemblance to the character in the Munsters - both in looks and physique) totalled him over the touchline during one of his silky runs.
All round good guy who later went on to become Headteacher of the School. He was my inspiration for going into PE teacher training as I thought that if he could get away with it, so could I.
The Javelin Throw
Sir Roger
I suppose there is a point to it.
Jackson's Lane
bigfudge
The site of my first major sports injury, when I was 13 years old and playing for Priestnall's football team, when played against Hazel Grove High on Jackson's Lane playing fields and we were winning 2-0 at this point, I had a bit of a stinker that game though because I like to play with the ball but because Hazel Grove were top of the league, we were told to defend and I wasn't allowed to go too far forward too often and was told to stay very defensive, I got the ball one time and foolishly I tried to be a bit tricky and this one big black centre forward they had playing for them, who was never in Year 8 whatever he might try and tell us, clattered into me leaving me in a heap on the ground, as it happens, I didn't get up again and remember being in an ambulance and being given some air!!
It turns out I split my shinbone, but not from the collision, from the way I went over, needless to say, I didn't try any of this trickery again!!
Joke - Stockport County
bringbacklenwhite
Chap walks up to the entrance gate with his mate. He slaps £20 on the counter and says " Two please".
To which the attendant replies "Certainly sir, forwards or defenders and can I keep the change ?"
I am sure you can all do better than that.
bat21
very old one from my skool days here.
bloke rings up county's ticket office and say's "what times kick off tonight?" guy at ticket office say's " what time can you get here?".
told you it was old,the bitters and rags used to love that one though.
bringbacklenwhite
When County had to become an all seater stadium they went to IKEA and ordered a 3 piece suite !!
All the old ones.
bristolexile
Where to start with the jokes!!!!!!!
'Stockport County - the only ground in the country where they announce the crowd changes to the team' !!
County will be in Europe next year............ if there's a war.
To cheer up his team Jim thought some music in the changing room would be a good idea so went to Curry's and asked for ' a CD player for my team'. 'Not worth it' replied the shop manager.
I'm sure there are many many more!!!!!
Sir Roger
There's a rumour going about that if you buy a season ticket at County, then you get a free space suit. Apparently it's due to the lack of atmosphere.......
The 7 dwarfs are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the dark distance a voice screams out "County are good enough to remain unbeaten for the rest of the season". Snow White says "Thank God, at least Dopey's still alive"
bringbacklenwhite
After the Grimsby match, goalkeeper Mark Halstead walked out of the ground and threw himself in front of a bus.
The damn thing went under him !!
So he put his head in his hands ................. and dropped it !
sandbachhatter
A journalist is walking through a park in Poynton when he sees a child getting attacked by a pitbull. Quick as a flash, a passer by in a football shirt jumps to the child's rescue, wrestles the dog to the ground and, with it's razor sharp teeth snapping at his face, he gets the dog's head, twists and breaks it's neck. The rabid animal falls limply to the floor.
The journalist is amazed and runs over, his mind already focussing on the front page for this amazing local scoop.
"Mate, that was AMAZING. You saved that kid's life! I don't know much about football but I can see the headline now...
"BRAVE STOCKPORT FAN SAVES CHILD FROM FEROCIOUS ANIMAL"
"Err...." pipes up the hero "I'm not a Stockport fan"
"Oh, ok" says the hack, "I just assumed because we're in Poynton you were. Sorry. How about:
"HEROIC MACCLESFIELD TOWN FAN WRESTLES VICIOUS DOG FROM HELPLESS CHILD!"
"Sorry mate, I'm not a Macc fan either."
"Who do you support then?"
"Manchester City."
And sure enough, the next day, the story made the front page:
"MANC BAS*ARD KILLS FAMILY PET."
Jossy's Giants
downunderhatter
Bryan Robson's "acting."
Does that count?
Jones - Vinnie
bringbacklenwhite
Yet another footballer who could rightly claim the nickname "pitball" as his own.
Famed for his much publicized squeeze tackle on Gascoigne's tackle and a member of the Wimbledon crazy gang.
Later to appear in many films as a hard hitman character and lately seen in the new heart resucitation advert.
Best story is of the booking he received after 15 seconds of a premier league match. He quizzed the referee "What was that for ?". "Late tackle, Vincent me boy" replied the man in black. "Late f**king tackle, I got there as soon as I could !".
Jones - Dave
archie
As good a manager as County have had. If you've read his book 'On The Edge' you'll understand why. The chapter about Mike Flynn is particularly illuminating. Best of luck to him at Sheffield Thursday. Let's hope he gets regular excursions to Monaco.
Dave Jones & John Keeley
hatter in macc
Rather belatedly, I have a Dave Jones-related anecdote, which, for good measure, also involves one John Keeley.
The tale takes us back to the end of the first half of the '90s, when Danny was still our King and DJ his Assistant Manager, and to a sparsely-populated away-terrace at Leyton Orient where, pre-match, Hatter in Macc stood with two High Lane Hatter mates, enjoying their cups of tea while stood behind a crash barrier behind a goal and watching the players warm up.
Jonesey's job in those days involved putting the County 'keeper - who, on that occasion, was John Keeley - through his paces. And even with his own playing days well behind him, he could still whack a ball as hard as anybody...albeit sometimes sacrificing a little accuracy in the process. Before long, Jonesey skied one over the bar, and one of our number seized on the chance of some banter:
High Lane Hatter 1: "Hey, Jonesey - glad you're not taking our penalties today!"
Jonesey, ignoring this, lines up another ball, which again is shot high and wide - but this time straight at our crash barrier on which the teas are stood. One of them - interestingly belonging to High Lane Hatter 1 - is duly sent flying by the ball, leaving the three of us momentarily stunned and HL1 slightly soaked. Jonesey meanwhile, with what I swear to this day was a hint of a smirk, just turned away and got ready to do some more shooting...although County's then Number One showed rather more compassion:
Keeley: "Are you alright, mate?"
High Lane Hatter 2: "Don't worry about him, John."
Macc: "Yeh, he's just feeling a tad brew-sed and tea-ed off!
Keeley (completely ignoring HIM's early attempt at pun-meistery): "No, are you SURE you're alright, mate? I mean, hot drinks can scald and all that..."
And so it came to be that caring Keeley realised his destiny would lie in First Aiding and supportive Counselling after hanging up his boots. And what of his shooting partner? Well, who knows, he might just have shown that little bit of ruthlessness that could see him turn out to be a half-decent Manager one day in the not too distant future...
July 31st 2009
gazza007
The day we lost the great Sir Bobby Robson. An extremely humble man, he never forgot his roots, and was proud of them to boot. If you've read his book 'Farewell, but not goodbye' and weren't touched by it, then you're not human. If I remember correctly he had a book signing in Stockport, that would have been an opportunity to shake the hand of the great man, sadly I didn't find out about it until after the event.
He battled Cancer on more than one occasion, and did so with the utmost dignity. I remember Gazza playing in his charity match just before he died. Sir Bobby had to leave early due to his poor health, and he passed away shortly afterwards. Gascoigne was later told in an interview that when he went home from the match, in spite of his rapidly failing health the great man had asked his son "how did Gascoigne play?". He knew he didn't have long left, yet there he was still concerned about his fellow geordie, Gazza was visibly upset upon hearing this.
The best tribute I heard was from Howard Wilkinson:
"My best memories of Bobby are the funny ones, all the more funny because he remained blissfully unaware, nor offended that his faux pas became a source of such fun. 'At one England Under-21 gathering, I selected Shola Ameobi who was a young striker at Newcastle under him. Bobby had also bought at great expense Carl Cort, a striker from Wimbledon. 'Shola had about six Christian names, most of them, to me, unpronounceable and in an attempt to put him at his ease on his debut performance, I called the lad over and asked him what Bobby called him when he was at the club. 'With absolutely no sense of resentment, rather more with a sense of love and understanding, Shola said, "Carl Cort, mostly". 'At a time when "great" and "world class" are sometimes too freely ascribed, the descriptions underscore Sir Bobby Robson. He was truly a great and world class person."
Being another of my heroes in football, I am not ashamed to admit that I filled up when I heard about his passing in work, and remember saying something like "oh f*cking hell, no?!", I am sure I wasn't alone.