Post by gazz on Dec 4, 2013 20:16:39 GMT
Kevin (name withheld for libelous purposes)
bringbacklenwhite
Kevin was the compulsory 1960's psychopathic bully of our year group at Grammar School. He was the proud owner of the first pubic hair and was shaving by the time he was 13.
A short temper was twinned with an agressive nature best controlled (ever so slightly) by putting a ball at his feet or in his hands. He was banned from discus, javelin and shot putt for obvious reasons.
No one could control a tennis ball quite like him in the playground and any tackles put in were usually rewarded with a kick up the backside or a nifty smack in the goolies from an oversized fist.
Many a time on the cricket field his run into the wicket came to an abrupt stop followed by him hurling the ball, baseball style, at the batsman's head. As the team wicket keeper I had to keep my wits about me if I didn't want to concede friutless wides or byes. His batting style was also an americanised form of wafting.
He was a very useful number 5 or 6 and could hit a quick 20 or 30 runs in short time. Woe betide the bowler who did get him out. This was responded to with a withering glare, a bright red face and those immortal words "f***ing b********d" as he trooped from the square.
Kevin's crowning glory was when playing football against a local RC School (I will keep the name to myself for safety's sake). We had already had the full back sent off for ditching the winger over the touchline and slicing him in half at waist height. Robert, the full back in question, had then broken the corner flag over his knee on the way back to the dressing room. At 4-0 down (none of the goals my fault, by the way) Kevin picked up the ball in mid-field and charged down the pitch with his arms waving over his head, screaming "right you catholic t**ts, come and get the f**ing ball off my now you f***ing god fearing s**ts". He really was quite miffed when his goal was disallowed and and the referree suggested that he might like to join Robert for an early shower.
He went on to train as a teacher apparently. I feel sorry for the kids in his classes.
Kids Football Rules
bringbacklenwhite
Was going to leave this until P for Playground rules but entries are a little short this week and it will pad out a loose thread..
This is only a "cut and paste" but too good to be left out. I know most of you will have seen it before but those with only a choice between Emmerdale/Coronation Street and actually speaking to your other half it may provide a chuckle and a welcome diversion.
The rules of the game……
Duration
Matches shall be played over three unequal periods: two playtimes and a dinnertime. Each of these periods shall begin shortly after the ringing of a bell, and although a bell is also rung towards the end of these periods, play may continue for up to ten minutes afterwards, depending on the nihilism or "bottle" of the participants with regard to punishment meted out to latecomers back to the classroom. In practice, there is a sliding scale of nihilism, from those who hasten to stand in line as soon as the bell rings, known as "jessies", through those who will hang on until the time they estimate it takes the teachers to down the last of their G & T's and journey from the staffroom, known as "chancers", and finally to those who will hang on until a teacher actually has to physically retrieve them, known as "bampots". This sliding scale is intended to radically alter the logistics of a match in progress, often having dramatic effects on the score line as the number of remaining participants drops. It is important, therefore, in picking the sides, to achieve a fair balance of jessies, chancers and bampots
Parameters
The object is to force the ball between two large, unkempt piles of jackets and jerseys, in lieu of goalposts. These piles may grow or shrink throughout the match, depending on the number of participants and the prevailing weather. Each jacket added to the pile by a new addition to a side should be placed on the inside, nearest the goalkeeper, thus reducing the target area. It is also important that the sleeve of one of the jackets should jut out across the goalmouth, as it will often be claimed that the ball went "over the post" and it can henceforth be asserted that the outstretched sleeve denotes the innermost part of the pile and thus the inside of the post. In the absence of a crossbar, the upper limit of the target area is observed as being slightly above head height, although when the height at which a ball passed between the jackets is in dispute, judgement shall lie with an arbitrary adjudicator from one of the sides. He is known as the "best fighter"; his decision is final and may be enforced with physical violence if anyone wants to stretch a point.
Pitch
There are no pitch markings.
The Ball
There are a variety of types of ball approved for Primary School Football. The following three notable examples are described.
1. The plastic balloon. An extremely lightweight model, used primarily in the early part of the season and seldom after that due to having burst.
Advantages: low sting factor, discourages a long-ball game.
Disadvantages: almost magnetically drawn to flat school roofs whence never to return.
2. The rough-finish Mitre. Half football, half Portuguese Man o' War. On the verge of a ban in the European Court of Human Rights. Made from highly durable fibre-glass, stuffed with neutron star and coated with dead jellyfish.
Advantages: looks quite grown up, makes for highscoring matches (keepers won't even attempt to catch it).
Disadvantages: scars or maims anything it touches.
3. The "Tubey". Genuine leather ball, identifiable by brown all-over colouring. Adored by everybody, especially keepers.
Advantages: feels good, easily controlled, makes a satisfying "whump" noise when you kick it.
Disadvantages: turns into medicine ball when wet, smells like a dead dog.
Offside
There is no offside, for two reasons: one, "it's no' a full-size pitch", and two, none of the players actually know what offside is.
Adjudication
The absence of a referee means that disputes must be resolved between the opposing teams rather than decided by an arbiter. There are two accepted ways of doing this.
1. Compromise.
2. Fighting.
Those up on their ancient Hellenic politics will understand that the concept we know as "justice" rests, in these circumstances, with the hand of the strong.
Team selection
To ensure a fair and balanced contest, teams are selected democratically in a turns-about picking process, with either side beginning as a one-man selection committee and growing from there. The initial selectors are usually the recognised two Best Players of the assembled group. Their first selections will be the two recognised Best Fighters, to ensure a fair balance in the adjudication process, and to ensure that they don't have their own performances impaired throughout the match by profusely bleeding noses. They will then proceed to pick team-mates in a roughly meritocratic order, selecting on grounds of skill and tactical awareness, but not forgetting that while there is a sliding scale of players' ability, there is also a sliding scale of players' brutality and propensities towards motiveless violence.
Tactics
Playground football tactics are best explained in terms of team formation. Whereas senior sides tend to choose - according to circumstance - from among a number of standard options (eg , , 5-3- 2), the playground side is usually more rigid in sticking to the all-purpose nomadic formation. This formation is a sturdy basis for the unique style of play, ball-flow and territorial give-and-take that makes the playground game such a renowned and strategically engrossing spectacle. All but perhaps four of the participants (see also Offside) migrate en masse from one area of the pitch to another, following the ball, and it is tactically vital that every last one of them remains within a ten yard radius of it at all times.
Stoppages
Much stoppage time in the senior game is down to injured players requiring treatment on the field of play. The playground game flows freer having adopted the refereeing philosophy of "no Post- Mortem, no free-kick", and play will continue around and even on top of a participant who has fallen in the course of his endeavours. However, the playground game is nonetheless subject to other interruptions, and some examples are listed below.
- Ball on school roof or over school wall.
- Stray dog on pitch.
- Bigger boys steal ball.
- Crabbit old bag confiscates ball.
Celebration
Goal-scorers are entitled to a maximum run of thirty yards with their hands in the air, making crowd noises and saluting imaginary packed terraces. Congratulation by team-mates is in the measure appropriate to the importance of the goal in view of the current scoreline (for instance, making it 34-12 does not entitle the player to drop to his knees and make the sign of the cross), and the extent of the scorer's contribution. A fabulous solo dismantling of the defence or 25-yard* rocket shot will elicit applause and back-pats from the entire team and the more magnanimous of the opponents. However, a tap-in in the midst of a chaotic scramble will be heralded with the epithet "poachin' wee sod" from the opposing defence amidst mild acknowledgment from team-mates. Applying an unnecessary final touch when a ball is already rolling into the goal will elicit a burst nose from the original striker. Kneeling down to head the ball over the line when defence and keeper are already beaten will elicit a thoroughly deserved kicking. As a footnote, however, it should be stressed that any goal scored by the Best Fighter will be met with universal acclaim, even if it falls into any of the latter three categories.
NOTE * - Actually eight yards, but calculated as relative distance because …. "it's no' a full-size pitch".
Close Season
This is known also as the Summer Holidays, which the players usually spend dabbling briefly in other sports:
- Tennis for a fortnight while is on the telly.
- Pitch-and-putt for four days when the Open is on the telly.
- Cricket for about an hour and a half (until they discover that it really is as boring to play as it is to to watch.
Kevin
hatter in macc
I have another Kevin to tell you about. He is ex-County...but not the All-time Club Legend bearing that name, and the tale about him is one that causes me no little personal embarrassment.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you The Kurious Kase of Kevin Ellison.
When Ellison joined us in 2001, the thoughts that immediately struck me were that he had a rather crazy-eyed look about him, and that some of his play almost bordered on the psychotic...head-first tackles, that sort of thing. In short, and to steal from Blackadder, our new signing appeared "madder than Mad Jack McMad, the winner of this year's Mr Madman Competition".
So far, so mad.
The trouble was - and this just goes to show how little notice I sometimes pay to what is being said or reported, and is generally going on, around me - I had got it into my head, courtesy of confusing him with a Kent and England cricketing Ellison from my younger years, that he was called Richard, not Kevin.
There's more...and it gets worse.
My then-love of The Verve brought to mind their behaviourally-erratic lead-singer's music press moniker, and the player, to me, became 'Mad Richard'. And not just in my thoughts, either. I began shouting it out during matches..."Lay it off to Mad Richard!"..."Skin 'im, Mad Richard!"..."Hard luck, Mad Richard!"..."Well in, Mad Richard!"..."What on earth was that, Mad Richard?"...
AND NO-ONE, BUT NO-ONE, BL**DY WELL TOOK IT UPON THEMSELVES TO CORRECT ME!!!!
Until, that is, midway through last season, when Rotherham came a-visiting, and the following dialogue with a so-called longstanding and trusted friend of Macc ensued:
Macc: 'Hey look who it is - Mad Richard!'
Friend: 'You know, we always did wonder why you used to call him that while he was here...'
Macc: 'Well, he's quite clearly mad...'
Friend: 'Yeh, I know what you're saying...but what about the Richard bit? We never liked to ask...'
Macc (incredulous): 'But that's his name!'
Friend (even more incredulous): 'Erm, no it's not...he's called Kevin.'
Macc: 'Is he?'
Friend: 'Yeh.'
Macc: 'Oh...and did I used to call him by name out loud?'
Friend: 'Yeh.'
Macc: 'Oh. Sh*t.'
Kick Off
Sir Roger
For those old enough to remember it, I used to enjoy "Kick Off" on a Friday night, on Granada, and with Elton "Everton" Welsby amongst its "personalties". I wonder what he's doing now?
Back in nineteen hundred and frozen to death, the footy programme ran a competition, the winner receiving a mention on TV and equally as important, the famous "Kick Off" T-Shirt. OK, perhaps not famous, but it was still a prize. During one particular show, the competition was a picture puzzle; a player was shown slightly disguised, may even have been in silhouette, (i.e. similar to Chris Adamson of present times; an alleged goalkeeper in complete disguise). They were darn hard competitions, unless of course, you knew who it was.I suppose that applies to any quiz show, the questions are always easy if you know the answers.
Unbelievably, County did used to get the occasional mention (I know, stands back in amazement) and on this particular occasion, the player to be spotted was a County player; namely a very useful and skilful central defender who went by the name Paul Edwards ( probably still does) and played for us around the mid to late 70's.
Anyway, I submitted my answer (think it was via the good old postcard method, which was very popular in them there days and you didn't need a mortgage to buy a stamp either), on the basis nothing ventured nothing gained and the fact that they were unlikely to be inundated with sacks full of correct answers; listen, am a County fan, but am also a realist, even then.
I waited eagerly for the following weeks show, counting down the days, it must be me, at last I was to have my "Andy Warhol Famous For 15 Minutes" moment. Perhaps AN Other County fan had spotted Edwards too?, I've bumped into that AN Other bloke before and he's a right clever sod and gets everywhere. No, I thought it's me, be positive.
The programme started and I was there, virtually glued to the screen, well close anyway. The moment had arrived, Andy Warhol was about to be proved right, yet again. "The answer to last weeks question is (pregnant pause)..."Stockport County's Paul Edwards". "Yes, I know, now come on, the winner's name" I said to myself....."and the first correct answer is (me), from Reddish, a "Kick Off "T-Shirt will be on it's way to you soon (me and first terms to boot)".
All that wait was worth it, I was correct, I was a winner, I was famous and I was about to receive a T-Shirt for my efforts. The T-Shirt arrived, I wish I'd kept it to this very day.
Kenton Cool
Sir Roger
Yes, it's his real name. Mr. Cool is a mountaineer who has a total of 9 Everest summits, (which is a British record), 2 Everest summits in a week, achieved the first British ski descent of an 8,000 metre peak and the holder of a truly great name.
Good on you, Kenton Cool.
bringbacklenwhite
Kevin was the compulsory 1960's psychopathic bully of our year group at Grammar School. He was the proud owner of the first pubic hair and was shaving by the time he was 13.
A short temper was twinned with an agressive nature best controlled (ever so slightly) by putting a ball at his feet or in his hands. He was banned from discus, javelin and shot putt for obvious reasons.
No one could control a tennis ball quite like him in the playground and any tackles put in were usually rewarded with a kick up the backside or a nifty smack in the goolies from an oversized fist.
Many a time on the cricket field his run into the wicket came to an abrupt stop followed by him hurling the ball, baseball style, at the batsman's head. As the team wicket keeper I had to keep my wits about me if I didn't want to concede friutless wides or byes. His batting style was also an americanised form of wafting.
He was a very useful number 5 or 6 and could hit a quick 20 or 30 runs in short time. Woe betide the bowler who did get him out. This was responded to with a withering glare, a bright red face and those immortal words "f***ing b********d" as he trooped from the square.
Kevin's crowning glory was when playing football against a local RC School (I will keep the name to myself for safety's sake). We had already had the full back sent off for ditching the winger over the touchline and slicing him in half at waist height. Robert, the full back in question, had then broken the corner flag over his knee on the way back to the dressing room. At 4-0 down (none of the goals my fault, by the way) Kevin picked up the ball in mid-field and charged down the pitch with his arms waving over his head, screaming "right you catholic t**ts, come and get the f**ing ball off my now you f***ing god fearing s**ts". He really was quite miffed when his goal was disallowed and and the referree suggested that he might like to join Robert for an early shower.
He went on to train as a teacher apparently. I feel sorry for the kids in his classes.
Kids Football Rules
bringbacklenwhite
Was going to leave this until P for Playground rules but entries are a little short this week and it will pad out a loose thread..
This is only a "cut and paste" but too good to be left out. I know most of you will have seen it before but those with only a choice between Emmerdale/Coronation Street and actually speaking to your other half it may provide a chuckle and a welcome diversion.
The rules of the game……
Duration
Matches shall be played over three unequal periods: two playtimes and a dinnertime. Each of these periods shall begin shortly after the ringing of a bell, and although a bell is also rung towards the end of these periods, play may continue for up to ten minutes afterwards, depending on the nihilism or "bottle" of the participants with regard to punishment meted out to latecomers back to the classroom. In practice, there is a sliding scale of nihilism, from those who hasten to stand in line as soon as the bell rings, known as "jessies", through those who will hang on until the time they estimate it takes the teachers to down the last of their G & T's and journey from the staffroom, known as "chancers", and finally to those who will hang on until a teacher actually has to physically retrieve them, known as "bampots". This sliding scale is intended to radically alter the logistics of a match in progress, often having dramatic effects on the score line as the number of remaining participants drops. It is important, therefore, in picking the sides, to achieve a fair balance of jessies, chancers and bampots
Parameters
The object is to force the ball between two large, unkempt piles of jackets and jerseys, in lieu of goalposts. These piles may grow or shrink throughout the match, depending on the number of participants and the prevailing weather. Each jacket added to the pile by a new addition to a side should be placed on the inside, nearest the goalkeeper, thus reducing the target area. It is also important that the sleeve of one of the jackets should jut out across the goalmouth, as it will often be claimed that the ball went "over the post" and it can henceforth be asserted that the outstretched sleeve denotes the innermost part of the pile and thus the inside of the post. In the absence of a crossbar, the upper limit of the target area is observed as being slightly above head height, although when the height at which a ball passed between the jackets is in dispute, judgement shall lie with an arbitrary adjudicator from one of the sides. He is known as the "best fighter"; his decision is final and may be enforced with physical violence if anyone wants to stretch a point.
Pitch
There are no pitch markings.
The Ball
There are a variety of types of ball approved for Primary School Football. The following three notable examples are described.
1. The plastic balloon. An extremely lightweight model, used primarily in the early part of the season and seldom after that due to having burst.
Advantages: low sting factor, discourages a long-ball game.
Disadvantages: almost magnetically drawn to flat school roofs whence never to return.
2. The rough-finish Mitre. Half football, half Portuguese Man o' War. On the verge of a ban in the European Court of Human Rights. Made from highly durable fibre-glass, stuffed with neutron star and coated with dead jellyfish.
Advantages: looks quite grown up, makes for highscoring matches (keepers won't even attempt to catch it).
Disadvantages: scars or maims anything it touches.
3. The "Tubey". Genuine leather ball, identifiable by brown all-over colouring. Adored by everybody, especially keepers.
Advantages: feels good, easily controlled, makes a satisfying "whump" noise when you kick it.
Disadvantages: turns into medicine ball when wet, smells like a dead dog.
Offside
There is no offside, for two reasons: one, "it's no' a full-size pitch", and two, none of the players actually know what offside is.
Adjudication
The absence of a referee means that disputes must be resolved between the opposing teams rather than decided by an arbiter. There are two accepted ways of doing this.
1. Compromise.
2. Fighting.
Those up on their ancient Hellenic politics will understand that the concept we know as "justice" rests, in these circumstances, with the hand of the strong.
Team selection
To ensure a fair and balanced contest, teams are selected democratically in a turns-about picking process, with either side beginning as a one-man selection committee and growing from there. The initial selectors are usually the recognised two Best Players of the assembled group. Their first selections will be the two recognised Best Fighters, to ensure a fair balance in the adjudication process, and to ensure that they don't have their own performances impaired throughout the match by profusely bleeding noses. They will then proceed to pick team-mates in a roughly meritocratic order, selecting on grounds of skill and tactical awareness, but not forgetting that while there is a sliding scale of players' ability, there is also a sliding scale of players' brutality and propensities towards motiveless violence.
Tactics
Playground football tactics are best explained in terms of team formation. Whereas senior sides tend to choose - according to circumstance - from among a number of standard options (eg , , 5-3- 2), the playground side is usually more rigid in sticking to the all-purpose nomadic formation. This formation is a sturdy basis for the unique style of play, ball-flow and territorial give-and-take that makes the playground game such a renowned and strategically engrossing spectacle. All but perhaps four of the participants (see also Offside) migrate en masse from one area of the pitch to another, following the ball, and it is tactically vital that every last one of them remains within a ten yard radius of it at all times.
Stoppages
Much stoppage time in the senior game is down to injured players requiring treatment on the field of play. The playground game flows freer having adopted the refereeing philosophy of "no Post- Mortem, no free-kick", and play will continue around and even on top of a participant who has fallen in the course of his endeavours. However, the playground game is nonetheless subject to other interruptions, and some examples are listed below.
- Ball on school roof or over school wall.
- Stray dog on pitch.
- Bigger boys steal ball.
- Crabbit old bag confiscates ball.
Celebration
Goal-scorers are entitled to a maximum run of thirty yards with their hands in the air, making crowd noises and saluting imaginary packed terraces. Congratulation by team-mates is in the measure appropriate to the importance of the goal in view of the current scoreline (for instance, making it 34-12 does not entitle the player to drop to his knees and make the sign of the cross), and the extent of the scorer's contribution. A fabulous solo dismantling of the defence or 25-yard* rocket shot will elicit applause and back-pats from the entire team and the more magnanimous of the opponents. However, a tap-in in the midst of a chaotic scramble will be heralded with the epithet "poachin' wee sod" from the opposing defence amidst mild acknowledgment from team-mates. Applying an unnecessary final touch when a ball is already rolling into the goal will elicit a burst nose from the original striker. Kneeling down to head the ball over the line when defence and keeper are already beaten will elicit a thoroughly deserved kicking. As a footnote, however, it should be stressed that any goal scored by the Best Fighter will be met with universal acclaim, even if it falls into any of the latter three categories.
NOTE * - Actually eight yards, but calculated as relative distance because …. "it's no' a full-size pitch".
Close Season
This is known also as the Summer Holidays, which the players usually spend dabbling briefly in other sports:
- Tennis for a fortnight while is on the telly.
- Pitch-and-putt for four days when the Open is on the telly.
- Cricket for about an hour and a half (until they discover that it really is as boring to play as it is to to watch.
Kevin
hatter in macc
I have another Kevin to tell you about. He is ex-County...but not the All-time Club Legend bearing that name, and the tale about him is one that causes me no little personal embarrassment.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you The Kurious Kase of Kevin Ellison.
When Ellison joined us in 2001, the thoughts that immediately struck me were that he had a rather crazy-eyed look about him, and that some of his play almost bordered on the psychotic...head-first tackles, that sort of thing. In short, and to steal from Blackadder, our new signing appeared "madder than Mad Jack McMad, the winner of this year's Mr Madman Competition".
So far, so mad.
The trouble was - and this just goes to show how little notice I sometimes pay to what is being said or reported, and is generally going on, around me - I had got it into my head, courtesy of confusing him with a Kent and England cricketing Ellison from my younger years, that he was called Richard, not Kevin.
There's more...and it gets worse.
My then-love of The Verve brought to mind their behaviourally-erratic lead-singer's music press moniker, and the player, to me, became 'Mad Richard'. And not just in my thoughts, either. I began shouting it out during matches..."Lay it off to Mad Richard!"..."Skin 'im, Mad Richard!"..."Hard luck, Mad Richard!"..."Well in, Mad Richard!"..."What on earth was that, Mad Richard?"...
AND NO-ONE, BUT NO-ONE, BL**DY WELL TOOK IT UPON THEMSELVES TO CORRECT ME!!!!
Until, that is, midway through last season, when Rotherham came a-visiting, and the following dialogue with a so-called longstanding and trusted friend of Macc ensued:
Macc: 'Hey look who it is - Mad Richard!'
Friend: 'You know, we always did wonder why you used to call him that while he was here...'
Macc: 'Well, he's quite clearly mad...'
Friend: 'Yeh, I know what you're saying...but what about the Richard bit? We never liked to ask...'
Macc (incredulous): 'But that's his name!'
Friend (even more incredulous): 'Erm, no it's not...he's called Kevin.'
Macc: 'Is he?'
Friend: 'Yeh.'
Macc: 'Oh...and did I used to call him by name out loud?'
Friend: 'Yeh.'
Macc: 'Oh. Sh*t.'
Kick Off
Sir Roger
For those old enough to remember it, I used to enjoy "Kick Off" on a Friday night, on Granada, and with Elton "Everton" Welsby amongst its "personalties". I wonder what he's doing now?
Back in nineteen hundred and frozen to death, the footy programme ran a competition, the winner receiving a mention on TV and equally as important, the famous "Kick Off" T-Shirt. OK, perhaps not famous, but it was still a prize. During one particular show, the competition was a picture puzzle; a player was shown slightly disguised, may even have been in silhouette, (i.e. similar to Chris Adamson of present times; an alleged goalkeeper in complete disguise). They were darn hard competitions, unless of course, you knew who it was.I suppose that applies to any quiz show, the questions are always easy if you know the answers.
Unbelievably, County did used to get the occasional mention (I know, stands back in amazement) and on this particular occasion, the player to be spotted was a County player; namely a very useful and skilful central defender who went by the name Paul Edwards ( probably still does) and played for us around the mid to late 70's.
Anyway, I submitted my answer (think it was via the good old postcard method, which was very popular in them there days and you didn't need a mortgage to buy a stamp either), on the basis nothing ventured nothing gained and the fact that they were unlikely to be inundated with sacks full of correct answers; listen, am a County fan, but am also a realist, even then.
I waited eagerly for the following weeks show, counting down the days, it must be me, at last I was to have my "Andy Warhol Famous For 15 Minutes" moment. Perhaps AN Other County fan had spotted Edwards too?, I've bumped into that AN Other bloke before and he's a right clever sod and gets everywhere. No, I thought it's me, be positive.
The programme started and I was there, virtually glued to the screen, well close anyway. The moment had arrived, Andy Warhol was about to be proved right, yet again. "The answer to last weeks question is (pregnant pause)..."Stockport County's Paul Edwards". "Yes, I know, now come on, the winner's name" I said to myself....."and the first correct answer is (me), from Reddish, a "Kick Off "T-Shirt will be on it's way to you soon (me and first terms to boot)".
All that wait was worth it, I was correct, I was a winner, I was famous and I was about to receive a T-Shirt for my efforts. The T-Shirt arrived, I wish I'd kept it to this very day.
Kenton Cool
Sir Roger
Yes, it's his real name. Mr. Cool is a mountaineer who has a total of 9 Everest summits, (which is a British record), 2 Everest summits in a week, achieved the first British ski descent of an 8,000 metre peak and the holder of a truly great name.
Good on you, Kenton Cool.